don't call me Ishmael
I'm not left to tell a tale
I'm the undercover talkshow host

I'm the one to make you see
that what you get for free
is really worth the cost

and you can't beat this
you can't beat me
and you can't beat the feeling
I am here to swerve and to infect

I'm the one who takes you
from Bart to O.J. Simpson
from Tom to Paula Jones
but don't forget I am your friend
first we take McDonald's
and then Disneyland

I'm the puppet of your son
I'm the dark spots in the sun
I will get your mind off shopping lists

I am the sole survivor
of the thing that you call art
I'm the number of your credit card

you can't believe me
you can't believe
that it's not butter
meanwhile I swerve and I infect

I'm the one who takes you
from Walt Whitman to Walt Disney
from McDonald's to MacVeigh
but don't forget I am your friend
first we take Grand Central
then we take Graceland

I'm the thing that crept out of
area fifty-one
I'll make paranoia fun!

I'm the one who takes you
from Kasinsky to Lewinsky
from Tom to Paula Jones
but don't forget I am your friend
first we will take Macy's
and then Disneyland