.
[pacemaker] .

My head crashes onto the pillow
heavy as wet laundry
the roaring of the sea in my ear
distant at first
the taste of foam and sand and shells
waves breaking on the shore
angry, furious
they wash away the thoughts
they clear the beach
no footprints left
no grain where it had been before
just purity and clearness

My nose is wide
I breathe in deeply
I am hollow
I am empty like
a chocolate Santa Claus
my eyelids turn to lead
my pupils made of mercury

The roaring of the sea
has turned into a beat
a dry drum from the pillow
dull and steady steady steady
a warm pumping gives the beat
the flooding pulse
that pushes me to heat
I'm not afraid of pain now
it cannot pass the warm thick walls
around me
I'm pulsing pain away

I'm only scared of nightmares
they're coming with the drum
but they march against it
with the voice of a thousand yous
they keep perfect silence
they will not stir the air
I wish they'd scream
I wish they'd blow:
I do not let you go!
I do not let you go!

The pillow's pulsing slower
my breath picks up the beat
the drum is played so softly now
it can't disturb the sleep
softer slower pulsing sweet
until it melts to
bright
white
light

and peace.