|[touch me fall]||.|
When he jumped, the noise of the propellers quickly faded away in the sky and the only thing he could hear was the roar of the wind as he fell through the air. This was the part of the jump he enjoyed most. Falling. Falling on his own with no one there. Speeding through the air to the ground. Feeling the mighty force of gravity. Falling faster than all the raindrops, faster than lightning could strike, faster than any hawk could hunt, free falling, nose-diving, faster than any thought, even faster than sound. When he screamed, the tone touched his cheek, passed his ear and died away above him. So slow, so clumsy. It would reach the earth minutes after he had landed. He would wait down there. He would stand there on the ground waiting for his scream to fall down.
All this sky belonged to him. He stretched his arms to embrace it and felt how he fell more slowly. Far away he saw the motionless cushion of the sea, the fields under him were squares of a game of chess. He turned and rolled, wanton as a child exploring the water. Who said man can't fly? he thought as he shot through a cloud. Watch out world, here I come, falling like an angel and gold and proud like a sunbeam. Falling is an art.
With his right hand he gripped the rip cord. He didn't want to pull it too early. He wanted this fall to last as long as possible. He wanted to enjoy every second. He wanted to fall as far as possible. He wanted to fall as far as never before. You've still got ten seconds, he thought and turned and rolled again. Five. And broke through another cloud. Three. And turned. Two. And rolled. And one. Pull! He pulled and waited for the jerk that would tear him out of his fall.
But nothing happened. He was confused, pulled again, but the parachute
didn't react. He pulled over and over again but no reaction. The wind's
roar turned into a mocking laughter.
Open, you fucking parachute! He saw the earth tear nearer and nearer while he was still falling. Nothing happened. Frightened, he turned his arm and tried to release the parachute, but he couldn't reach his back. He turned his arm with all his might and it hurt, the pain spread all through his shoulder but it was in vain. He just couldn't reach it. A drop of sweat rolled into his eye and made him cry while he was still falling. In panic he tried to swim, he was rowing with his arms, kicking with his feet but of course this did not help. This can't be real, this must be a nightmare or something. Wake up! Wake up! And he felt a heavy weight upon his chest while he still was falling. He couldn't breathe. His lungs were filled with fear. Air! Air! he croaked and helplessly tried to get a grip of the empty sky. I don't want to die. God, I don't want to die yet! But he fell faster than his prayers.
He looked up, but the plane had gone long ago, he was alone in the sky, the loneliest man on earth. No one there to rescue him. This death was inevitable.
It all felt so unreal, so much larger than life. Will I see my life
run down before my eyes when I hit the ground? Does it matter if I blaspheme
God now? Does pain love bones? Can a guy in a bear suit take a bath on
Times Square? Is a penguin allowed to murder the pharamcist just because
his mother-in-law needs vast amounts of narcotics? Will the dandelion forgive
me? he thought while he was still falling down onto the toytown with its
toystreets and toytrees.
Why is two plus two not three hundred and forty-seven? In these last seconds when he knew he was dying he suddenly remembered all these questions he still had and which maybe everyone has shortly before one dies. A voice inside his head said that the dandelion would forgive him. He was relieved while he still was falling.
You can't change it anyway. So just enjoy your last and longest fall. The wind now seemed to hum a lullaby. He fell faster. He breathed out fear and left it above him. Falling even faster than fear - can you copy this, Ikarus?
The chessboard grew larger. I will fall on B 3. Checkmate!
He stretched out his arms one last time and felt the soft air flowing through his fingers like warm water, washing him pure and clean. He was baptized with air while he still was falling. The fields came closer. The evening-sun refracted through the clouds as he saw his shadow exploding onto the ground. He opened his mouth and heard how his scream caught up with him.